Wuss

 

 

Yesterday I received an email from a blogger I follow. After letting me know my website is still jacked-up on the “contact” button, he had this to say: “Once a month? Is that it? Wuss. I put out absolute rubbish on average daily. Give us a weekly or close the site down.”

 

I guffawed loud enough to wake the lizards (they’re everywhere, I tell ya – more on them another day) and realized my head must be doing pretty good if I can laugh so heartily.

 

The dude isn’t wrong though, as I have been blogging only once a month, if that. My depression is a bit better, so that isn’t keeping me from logging on. I have some major house stuff that’s been distracting the hell out of me and will continue to occupy my thoughts and time for several more weeks, but it isn’t killing me. It’s just stuff. There are other things going on – health, loved ones, etc. – but isn’t that the case for all of us? Aren’t we all doing our best to keep those balls in the air and away from the ground? I certainly can’t claim to be juggling more than others. And I know it.

 

When yesterday afternoon rolled around, I had, well, truth be told, I had cried three times, been down on my knees praying to any god that might listen once and had meditated twice. By the time I decided to share the email from the blogger, it was mid-afternoon and I was beat. But there was work to be done, and it was up to me to do it. So I did. No sob story, just the truth.

 

To the Brit who told it like it is, I salute you. Not only did your email put me in my place, it also made me smile. I can’t make any immediate promises about the website being repaired, but I will try to do better on the writing front. And on all the other fronts, too. I owe me that much.

A Sad Day

 

 

I am devastated. Truly.

 

My country may recover, some day, but for now, it is more broken than ever. My fellow citizens have aligned their values with lying, sexism, bullying, racism and a host of other less-than-decent behaviors. Our presidential election is not only embarrassing, it is also shameful. And make no mistake – if you voted for Trump, your actions have absolutely aligned your values with his behavior. You’re kidding yourself if you believe otherwise.

 

I have blogged every day for a few years. Through illness and injury, through depression and struggles. But I’m gonna step away for a while. I’ve lost my footing. And my faith. I don’t know when I’ll be steady again. Or how to get there. I really don’t. Trying to find the art in life seems futile now. And I don’t have it in me to pretend, to act and write as if all is well. Because this particular darkness is unknown territory, I also don’t know when I’ll be ready to come back to these missives. I need time. Maybe a lot of it.

 

Yes – America may recover, some day, but for now, she is more broken than ever.

 

I am devastated. Truly.

Keeping Me Honest

 

 

A couple of days ago it occurred to me that writing this blog often serves a very useful purpose in my life: it keeps me honest. For example, Wednesday’s post included a bit about digging in the dirt. Now friends, I could have blown that off as easily as I plop my butt down on the couch for some Olympics viewing. But I’d written about it and wanted to keep my word, so I did it. If I’d merely thought about it – without mentioning it to you – it probably wouldn’t have happened. But it did happen so there you go.

 

I’ve been aware of other blogging benefits for some time. I don’t know why this one caught me by surprise. And it doesn’t really matter anyway. The honesty is what matters to me. As I am solely responsible for my honesty, I’m grateful for the impetus. And because I did dig in the dirt, I’m just plain grateful. Dirty, but grateful.