Once Upon a Time…



Once upon a time, last week, I had several errands to run. After mentally mapping my route, I realized I could ride my bike while checking items off my list. And so I set out…


For some reason, there were quite a few male senior citizens driving trucks into my path. And I was in a flippin’ bike lane, for cry-eye! When I thought about how those old dudes had probably accumulated more driving experience than most of us, I found their errant ways perplexing. I didn’t flip off anyone or anything, though I may have yelled “Fuck stick!” a few times – ahem. (I’m not perfect – duh.) But those big, bad, old wolves didn’t take me out, nor did they slow me down too much, and I continued on my way. After dropping off a gift for a friend, I went to the grocery store and the pharmacy, then I bought flowers and headed to a new-to-me liquor store.


When I arrived, I expected the store to be jammed as the parking lot was full of double-parked cars. But I found the store mostly empty, aside from the clerk and one other shopper. When I asked the proprietor why the parking lot was so whack-a-do, he pointed to the weed store next door. And then the other shopper said it was “Free Joint Friday.” Huh. Go figure. I knew Sazeracs awaited, so I wasn’t tempted. (I also don’t have a weed card, so there.) Necessary items in hand, I headed home.


With the exception of the old, swerving coots, my ride was uneventful. And fun. And great exercise. And the day was as lovely as could be. And just as I steered onto my street, I swallowed a bug.


The end.

Dear City of Los Angeles…



Dear City of Los Angeles,


Recently, Mister and I were out riding our bikes along your streets. To the best of our abilities, we kept to roads with dedicated bike lanes. But as you are no doubt aware, many L.A. streets do not have bike lanes.


So as we traversed one such bike-lane-free street, I was barely able to dodge a gi-normous pothole. Mister, however, was not so fortunate. He hit the damaged part of the road and wiped out. Injuries? Absolutely. His fault? Not even a little bit.


So here’s what I want, City of Los Angeles: fix the damned street! As a taxpayer, I am not simply asking. No, I’m demanding that you take care of a job with which you are charged and for which you are responsible.


I appreciate your time and I look forward to seeing that street repaired – soon.



Your Pal Mikki


PS If, for some reason, you do not take care of this damaged street, please advise me as to whom I should sue. Super-thanks!