Today I see the doctor about my lingering illness and I’m counting the hours until that appointment.

 

This weekend I realized how blessed I’ve been with health. Sure, I get the occasional sniffles or some-such, but those things are usually short-lived and small in scale. As a gal who exercises, my body is pretty good at fighting off most stuff. And I’m fairly strong – of body and spirit. So when I was sidelined for an entire day on Sunday, I didn’t handle it well.

 

First, it caught me by surprise. Truly. I’ve been dealing with this crap for a month now, so I didn’t expect to be unable to do anything. I was forced to be still and not get up. Mostly. I think Mister was right when he said I wasn’t being a very good patient.

 

Second, I didn’t know I’d struggle so much with the mental aspects of being sidelined. My brain was going bonkers, I tell ya. I didn’t know what to think. I didn’t know how to process. I didn’t know – anything.

 

Third, I was spiritually beaten by that awful day. I mean it. I felt as if I were somehow broken as a person. It hurt my heart and it hurt my soul. Feeling that way left me crushed. And y’all – that is nowhere near the type of person I try to be, or consider myself to be.

 

So today is the day. I realize I probably won’t leave the doctor’s office feeling 100%. I know I’m merely beginning the process of diagnosis and healing. I’m okay with that. I just need to take my first steps on the road to Well-ville. The boulevard to Bonkers Town is not taking me where I need to go. Not even close.

 

Wish me luck.

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